Getting Out of Our Own Way

When you look at Connie Alexander Jacks, one might think that she’s always been successful.

That hasn’t always been the case.

The reality is she’s struggled with some tough circumstances as well as a lot of getting in her own way.

In this conversation, we cover how Connie overcame an abusive marriage to find herself with only a real estate license to work with.

How she sold only three houses her first year back, 33 the next, and then opened a brokerage and started a team.

Through the end of October 2021, Connie has closed 87 transactions for $30M. She has also grown from 4 agents 14 agents and four support staff.

All because she learned how to get out of her own way.

We will also touch on her focus of helping brand new agents achieve six-figure success in their first year in real estate by:

*elevating the experience for the agent
*elevating the experience for the client
*giving back to our communities

FULL AUDIO TRANSCRIPTION: 

Justin Stoddart 00:01
So the big question is this. How do we those of us in the real estate industry with crazy amounts of ambition? How do we Think Bigger than the building of our own empires? How do we simultaneously see success and significance, income and impact? My name is Justin Stoddard. And this is the Think Bigger Real Estate Show. Welcome back to the Think Bigger Real Estate Show. I’m your host, Justin Stoddard excited today to help you get out of your own way I’ve got with me a very special guest very successful individual who hasn’t always been that way. So we’re going to get into her story, it’s going to be very inspiring. I can’t wait to share it with you. I also want to let you know before we get too far down that path, that I’ve created a new Facebook group called scaling your referral business, it allows you to reach your highest production goals without having to buy cold leads and do things that maybe is kind of against your internal DNA. Anyway, so please find us there scaling your referral business. I’d love to interact with you there. Back to today’s guest. Her name is Connie Alexander Jax. She’s out of Birmingham, Alabama. Connie, it’s such a pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you for joining us today.

Connie Alexander 01:14
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having me, Justin.

Justin Stoddart 01:16
I’ve been a big fan of yours. Watching your Instagram profiles, the homes that you highlight are absolutely gorgeous. And you do an incredible job of marketing. So again, anybody that’s watching this, if you’re not yet following Connie Alexandra Jax on Instagram, go do that she does a fantastic job, it’s really a great model for you to see like this is what gets people’s attention. So well done.

Connie Alexander 01:39
Thank you very much.

Justin Stoddart 01:41
Now, tell tell us a little background on you. Connie, how long have you been in the real estate industry.

Connie Alexander 01:46
I actually got my lic ense in 1999 While I was in college, and started selling houses at a very early age, but then I had my son a few years in and decided to take a little bit of time off, but now have been back at it since about 2015.

Justin Stoddart 02:05
Very good. So I know the story, and I’m eager for you to tell it that there have been times when you weren’t as successful as maybe you now are right. And I know the purpose of today’s show is really to help all of us get out of our own way. But someone might look at you and say, okay, you’ve just sold your 100th home for the year. Right. 30 plus million in volume. Beautiful person well spoken like, well, of course she’s going to be successful. Right? And I want everybody to know here that Connie story hasn’t always looked the way it does now that you went through a 20 year abusive marriage. Is that Is that right? Connie?

Connie Alexander 02:43
Yeah, it wasn’t always wasn’t always terrible, but got progressively worse over the years. And it was it was just a really tough place to be in. You know, like, after I had my children. We’re kind of in the belt buckle heart of the Bible Belt here in Birmingham, Alabama. And, you know, I was just raised, believing that you just didn’t click on something that you had committed to. And so just, you know, my way of thinking was, I’m gonna stick it out, regardless of you know, what that brings, and it was just, it was tough. It was tough to finally make that decision.

Justin Stoddart 03:21
So you decided at some point that okay, enough’s enough. Right. Yeah. And then you found yourself with nothing but a real estate license. And, and not a very booming business at that point, right.

Connie Alexander 03:35
Not a business at all right? You know, I did, through several years of plan counseling, and, you know, consulting with people around me, plans to leave, and to get the divorce that, you know, I had dreaded for 20 years, but took the leap and, and knew that I didn’t have any way to support my children other than I had my real estate license. And I determined you know, really, at that moment, I’m not going to be a waitress, I’m not going back to you know, interior design, I’m not going to do something that I really was didn’t have a ton of passion for. But I do love people, I do love helping people. And feeling good at the end of the day, knowing that I’ve done everything I can to assist them and to lead them through that transaction really well. So it was a decision really, to just jump back into real estate with both feet, and to see where it led.

Justin Stoddart 04:35
Now had you had much success in real estate prior to that point.

Connie Alexander 04:40
You know, I guess often on I, where I really felt successful is you know, the three houses that I had sold kind of the year that I got divorced, was just three. But the the clients that I had were so amazing, and they you know, just kept saying, oh my gosh, I don’t know how he could have done this without you. You are so attentive, you listened to everything nice Uh, you know, they may have they had Realtors before. And definitely were not as attentive or, you know, just caring. And so I really felt like that was something that I did well, and wanted to teach other people how to do that, and why it would be so important for the consumer to have that type of care.

Justin Stoddart 05:20
So a couple observations, I heard you mentioned that you had received some counseling, right? That this was a maybe concerted effort on your part to say like, I’m not in a good spot, me nor my children, I need to move on. Yet there was some hesitation, right. I think all of us as humans, we almost even though our situation may not be exactly how we want it, there’s enough fear of the unknown of like, how am I going to provide for my family, right? And your situation of like, these, these fears of what might be almost had you trapped inside of a world you didn’t want to be in? But it’s like, but at least I know it right. It’s not good. It could even be, you know, labeled abusive. But it’s, but it’s, at least I know what it is leaving and going out there. There’s all kinds of unknowns. Right. And I think that’s a really important lesson for us all to recognize is that sometimes we fear this boogeyman called the unknown, right, even more so than than the real boogeyman, which is the the, the, the not so good situation we’re in right now. How did you beyond maybe just getting some additional outside perspective and help? How did you move past that to where you had the faith and the courage to say, look, I don’t care what the unknown is, it’s got to be better than this.

Connie Alexander 06:32
Yeah. I, my child, he was in lacrosse. And, you know, I watched him and I would encourage him, you know, he was determined that he wanted to play lacrosse, and I would never tell him that he couldn’t, I would always tell him, yes, if that’s what you want to pursue, like, you must pursue it with all your mind, all your heart, you know, time and dedication into that. And it was really cool, because, you know, I read some cool books to help him, which in turn, wound up helping me. So, you know, the, the 10,000 hour rule was one of the things that I taught him, because, you know, I said, Look, if you want to advance to the next level, you’re going to have to put the work in, you’re going to have time in. And the only way to do that is to practice. And, you know, all of the little things that were on mindset and on, you know, moving forward, and maybe yourself, you know, to the next level really had me thinking about, you know, my life is really just passing me by, and I’m not allowed to do you know, and it sounds crazy. But you know, the, you just said it, the demon you don’t know is greater than a demon you do. And so it’s, it was one of those things for me that, you know, I had to get over, sitting on the sidelines, you know, I was watching my life. I was, you know, I love being a mom. But I didn’t have a life outside of being a mom, and I wanted to be something that they could be proud of.

Justin Stoddart 08:04
And so it sounds like the coaching you were giving to your son became very applicable to you. I don’t know if you also listen to the 5am Club calls large mentor in common. Yes. For those that don’t like message me if you’re interested. They’re fantastic. Connie, they met through a common mentor, who I’m sure we both adore his his as much as anyone does. But he this morning on the call taught that if we were just to step outside of ourselves and give ourselves coaching, that it’d be amazing how, how clear we could come up with good answers for ourselves. And it sounds like, that’s actually the experience that you had of like, all this great advice I’m giving my son like, that also plays me,

Connie Alexander 08:46
right. It certainly does. And, and, and that it started there as well. You know, I started listening to the call, probably in 2018. And I could tell like, that is when my business changed when my mindset changed, like I was already starting. And, you know, on the right path, I felt like and on a good path. But boy, I mean, that really set me in a totally different trajectory. I feel like

Justin Stoddart 09:13
yeah, so good. Alright, let’s, let’s fast forward a little bit. Obviously, you took that leap. You’re out on your own, right? Yes. Now one tendency that we have as human beings, is that when we start moving forward, we tend to take a couple different things and we pile them into today. We take the fear of tomorrow, and we pile it into today. And we take the mistakes, missteps, troubles problems of the past, and we pile it into today. And we wonder why we don’t have confidence right? Did you find that that was true that that you had all this potential you had a vision of what you wanted to create? Yet you were getting in your own way a little bit with with like this fear of what if I can’t or whatever else

Connie Alexander 09:57
100% I I did all of those things for so long. That was kind of more of the leading up to the divorce. Because, you know, I, I would over analyze and process like, you know, what am I going to do about this? What do I need to do about that? And I have no idea. But staying the same was the bigger fear for me. And so I wanted to evolve, I wanted to use my talents that, you know, I’m here for, oh, my counselor said it to me. She said, You have 100 years, if we’re lucky. What are you doing with those to make a difference? And I had to stop and think about that, and really wanted to make a difference not only to my kids, but to other people as well. And I think that’s one thing that I’m so passionate about being able to help new agents too, because, you know, there is so much potential out there. For people who are willing to serve.

Justin Stoddart 10:56
Yeah. Yeah, it’s really well said, I love what you said there. Connie, I kind of want to go back and highlight some of the wisdom of that is like, the fear of staying the same. I had somebody shared this with me, they said, fast forward 10 years from now, if you were still in the same spot you are now would you be okay with that? It’s like, well, no, I want to be 10 years ahead. It’s like, well, what’s stopping you then? From making those big steps towards creating that 10 year goal this year? Right? Like, what are you waiting for? Because the reality is 10 years actually never comes? Because you’re always 10 years away from 10 years, right? And I think sometimes we get in the habit of that of like, oh, yeah, that’s my 10 year goal. That’s always my 10 year goal. It’s the same goal, right? It’s like, well, that’s the big problem is us not progressing and not moving forward. Any any insight on how you kind of connected with that on a daily basis, that fear of not of not of like the what ifs, the scary what ifs, but like, No, I’m just afraid I’m going to be the same person and not actually progressing grow? Like, was there some sort of like tactical advice that you that really helped you, or some strategy that you employ, that really kind of allowed that to live really clearly in your mind? So much that it overshadowed? Right, the other voice that was, you know, the kind of the boogeyman is out there?

Connie Alexander 12:14
Yeah, one of the really cool things that I ran across was a five year journal, and it allowed me to journal just a little bit, so it was all on one page. So if you opened it up, it would be you know, 2018 2019 2020 21, and they’re all side by side. And so you just write just a smidge of, you know, 10 sentences in a tiny little column. But you can see them side by side progressively. And when I started this process, years, again, you know, like, I could look back and go, Oh, wow, last year, this time, this is what we did. And then First it started out, as, you know, oh, my kids went to the pumpkin patch today, or oh, we, you know, visited and picked up this or did that. And it was really for them just to kind of like, be able to go back. But then it evolved into being something so much more than that. And I have to say that just being able to see side by side, every single day, just something from last year, you know, or how we’ve grown, it made me want to take those 10 year goals, or five year goals and condense it down to how can I do it all this year, which is something that scared me to death. But you know, our mentor challenged me. And after sending him those five year goals, he was like, Okay, how can we do that in quarter one? So, you know, it’s, it changes the way that you think when you start thinking bigger, which you know, perfect, because it really did challenge me to step outside of my comfort zone and go, How many things can I employ today that I would allow to take me three months, but it doesn’t need to take me three months and take me three hours.

Justin Stoddart 14:01
It’s like back in the school, right? When we had a homework assignment it was doing a week we started working on it, like in six days. It’s like, exactly, why do we still do that? You know, Peter Thiel, who’s kind of world renowned investor out of Silicon Valley, he had the habit, maybe you’ve heard this before, he’d bring investors into pitch, right? For potential investor money, you know, capital to grow the company do that. Okay. After a number of questions, he asked, okay, what like, what are your 10 year plans? Like, what are your 10 year goals? And then he would ask the question, I believe it was, okay, how can you do those in the next six months? And if they didn’t have a good answer, and then he wouldn’t invest? And it’s, it’s like he realized that a lot of people do that they tend to, and you’ve probably heard this phrase before. I know, a lot of real estate agents have is that work expands to fill the time allowed. And so we ended up giving as much time or as much time as we’ve given ourselves to do something and so I love that that really was an IT WAS AN impact for you, which is, okay, what are my big five year goals? How do I do that the next quarter? Off? Well, that puts some urgency to things, doesn’t it?

Connie Alexander 15:08
It definitely does. And were setting some things in motion. So I’m really excited about it.

Justin Stoddart 15:14
Let’s talk a little bit about that you’ve obviously gone. Just obviously, you’re jumping up to over 100 transactions this year, we still got a couple months left, you’re still cruising? You’ve gone from a team of four to a team of 14 Now, is that in your brokerage? Or is that on your team?

Connie Alexander 15:31
Yeah, so we have, we own the brokerage and we own the team. So we’ve got we’ve went gone from four to 14, just on the team itself.

Justin Stoddart 15:41
Very cool. So you guys have really scaled up ramped up? What? What’s this personal growth path that you’ve been on? How has that helped you to attract this kind of talent? Like, could you see a correlation there?

Connie Alexander 15:55
I do. You know, we try to be as authentic as we possibly can, with all of our social media. And so, you know, we’ve, we’ve put some things out there that are really hard. I mean, this is not an easy conversation to have, right. But what I found in doing so it has, you know, attracted more people who have limited beliefs, or limited thinking about, you know, why they can’t do something. And I actually love to be able to talk to them and understand exactly what is it what it is they want to go, and then show them the possibilities. So I think that that, you know, just being authentic has really drawn the right people to us and has empowered and enabled them to achieve something that they didn’t think they ever would be able to,

Justin Stoddart 16:48
when you say, authentic describe to us maybe give us an example of something that you put out, what I understand you’re saying is that you put out some some kind of vulnerability on social media. And as a result that attracts some attention can be like maybe an example of something maybe like it, that would help people to kind of get their arms around what it is that you’re putting out there.

Connie Alexander 17:09
Yeah, so part of that is, you know, my story that that you’ve shared, and then also just some of the struggles, you know, one of my children has Asperger’s syndrome. And he is a teenager, and just being able to talk to other people that, you know, shares similar struggles or share, you know, the understand, like, you know, I’m a working mom and a business owner. And you know, that these two beautiful children that, you know, I lead them every day to come to work to serve the community. And it says pleasure to do so. But it’s there’s also challenges behind that as well. So, you know, being able to show, hey, we’re human, we’re hard workers, we are really going to work hard for you, if we are in your corner, like it is our total focus. And to be able to show, you know, the voice that to have that kind of work ethic. And,

Justin Stoddart 18:01
you know, I love that social media tends to be a bit of a highlight reel. I think it’s created some real problems in our society, right is everybody thinks that everyone else except for themselves has it figured out, we compare our behind the curtain mess to everyone else’s highlight reel, and it’s like, Man, I’m messed up. So I love that you do that for a number of reasons. Number one, like you said, it attracts real, like real conversations, not just real estate numbers, but real conversations. But it also, I think, gives everybody else permission to also be authentic and be like, Look, I don’t have it all figured out. Like I got some stuff I’m struggling with. And this is really hard. And yeah, I think you’re able to impact people and touch people at a different level when you’re able to do that. Let’s talk a little bit about Connie about kind of what your plans are right now, obviously, you’ve you’ve found that a brokerage, you guys are crushing it this year, you have a heart for helping new agents come into the business and earn six figures, which is probably what most people dream of, right? I’m gonna get in real estate, what’s your big first first year goal? I want to make six figures, you’ve really created a system and a process around that for any agents. It’s it’s in the Birmingham Alabama area, like listen up, folks, because this is Connie’s passion. So talk to us a little bit about that when it’s going to be released and how people get really in contact with you to get access to this, this, you know this that you’ve built?

Connie Alexander 19:15
Sure. So we’ve started a scholarship program for anyone who’s interested in real estate, and we’re taking two applicants per month. And so those applicants are going to be gifted all of the courses, all of the classes, the the testing, and all of the training afterwards, in order to get up and running. And so we’re only doing two per month. Just because we feel like it’s the best way to start is to be on the team with someone that can walk beside you through all of the training. So we’re really excited about that. It is if you wanted to check out more it is Lux scholarship. dot com. And that will be up and running December 1, so that we can have some people in and going through all the training as of January one.

Justin Stoddart 20:09
Tell me the name of it again,

Connie Alexander 20:11
is Lux, Liu XE scholarship.com.

Justin Stoddart 20:17
Have it again two per month are getting the opportunity to go through this program to really get up and started. And again, you’re you’re fronting if I understand correctly, some of the startup fees for people, right. The startup fees, yeah. Wow. What an opportunity for people. You know, I think there’s a lot of really talented people that are saying, I don’t want to work in a cubicle anymore. I want to like, I want to live that life even though it’s going to be hard. It’s not going to be easy. I want to I want to go create what Connie screen and how cool of you to be able to be on the upper floor now unable to send the elevator back down is one of my mentors, Lou Raja taught me. Like what a great opportunity, right? What a legacy not just for your family and the community. But other people that now get to follow on, you know, drive on the road that you’ve paved. So it’s beautiful stuff. Donnie, I want to ask you one more question here, which is, you are a big thinker, right? You’ve overcome a lot. You’re now creating success, not just for yourself, but for other people. What does Connie do on a regular basis to continue to be a big thinker to continue to expand your possibilities and grow yourself? What’s that look like?

Connie Alexander 21:23
I am an avid audible fan. So I, I can’t tell you how many books that I actually download. But I am a little bit crazy when it comes to not finishing some things, I have to finish it. I’ve gotta finish it quickly when I started. So I listened to a lot of audible and a lot of podcasts. I would say that that is probably you know, I don’t spend too much time listening to music unless I’m cleaning the house. But otherwise, you know, there’s something something else going on. In my head, I actually do some some cool things, I think that I didn’t really learn from anyone but I was just interested in it. I’m not a runner, somebody has got to be chasing the FM running. But But one thing that I like to do is to listen to like different different experts to talk about different things to prepare for different things. So one of the podcasts that I listened to is training for a race or trading for a marathon. And I listened to her talk through this entire, you know, prepping for a marathon, here’s how you should be training. And I’m kind of addicted because now she starts out the way you’re supposed to be breathing and the way you’re supposed to be thinking and all of these things. And it’s not anything related to real estate, but it’s absolutely being in tune with your body or being in tune with, you know, your mindset. And so I try to get outside of the box as much as possible to think about other things or to think, you know, how can I improve my health or my life and some other area that maybe could possibly be missing? And so I like to just poke at them like that maybe it’s not, you know, maybe maybe it’s a marathon this month, maybe it’ll be I don’t know, something next month, give me some suggestions, because like, I love to learn about other things, too. So

Justin Stoddart 23:16
love it. I think there’s a lot of lessons, we tend to be fairly myopic in the sense that we look only within our own industry to see what others are doing. And he has created a bit of a copycat culture, and not a lot of innovation. And I love the fact that you look outside of the industry to produce that. So I’ll use this as a bit of a shameless plug. If you haven’t, if you haven’t audible credit. The upstream model. Here it is right there is now on Audible. So if anyone hasn’t yet had the chance to read it, I know as real estate agents is oftentimes time difficult to find time to sit down and read, you can actually find it on Audible. Just search the upstream model and you’ll find it I’d love to hear your your feedback to anyone out in the audience that is hearing it or read it. Be great to hear. So Connie, thank you again, so much for this opportunity. Spend some time with you hear your story, and really hear the process and the story through which you overcame difficulty and learn the process of getting out of your own way. It’s It’s inspiring to all of us. So appreciate you very much my friend.

Connie Alexander 24:11
Thank you so much, Jeff, and I appreciate it.

Justin Stoddart 24:14
And to everyone listening here today, you know my final request. It’s this is go Think Bigger Kenny, thanks for helping us do that today, my friend.

Connie Alexander 24:22
Thank you Take care.

Justin Stoddart 24:24
I want to thank you for tuning in to this episode of The Think Bigger Real Estate Show  If you found value here, I asked three things number one, give us a review. Number two, go to Facebook groups search Think Bigger Real Estate Show and apply to join. Here you will find a community of big thinking professionals that will help you grow your income, your independence and your impact. And my third request is to go Think Bigger!